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29 May 2013 @ 02:42 pm
I:U Testimonials  
I’ve stayed so long here in I:U, so I've been wondering.

How will we stop?

For me, we’ll grow apart, but I:U has become a huge part of my life that it will be hard to erase. It's like, pardon the weird analogy, a tattoo you've always liked to have and gotten around having it versus a stain you really, really want to remove. I:U has constructed a part of me that no one else could’ve built. I:U has also helped in strengthening that. I’ve said before that I:U draws both the best and the worst out of me, and sometimes that’s a negative thing— but exactly because it’s bad do I learn from it, I learn from my mistakes and then I try to take on the next logical step: become a better person.

This is where I:U steps in. You know how hard it is to get stuck between a rock and a hard place; I’ve always seen it as such. I've got selfish wants and secrets, many of which you’re all unaware of. Some of you mentioned, through the shoe locker messages, that I am kind of hard to read. I am. Even for myself, I am a struggle. When I:U stepped into my life, it has brought with it even more complications, but at the same time grounded me into something I can work on, on my way to becoming a "better" person. To Momo, Ayyah, Kriselle, Apryl, Al, Karu, Louise DG, Telle, Karen, Arah, Bea, Drinn, Mango, Miya, Mia, Gelly, Lorena, Lania, Louise L, Meme, Richa, Frances, Iori, Ariane, Dani, Pat, Ivy, Doctor Meowize, Bianca, Kei, Ray-- to everyone I've met here in I:U, you are all part of this imaginary tapestry I've cocooned myself in. Thank you, for letting me into your lives, no matter how small my presence would be, or how little my influence, my impact on your lives, might be.

So far, honestly, I’m still bad at keeping my selfishness hemmed in. I viewed all the past events as seventy percent competition, and thirty percent everything else (enjoyment, social interaction, etc), although I was never consistent with the quantity of my efforts to bag myself an honor, or something to indicate that I've won. What was I trying to aim for? There was virtually nothing I could've won save for the satisfaction I'd feel afterwards, and then what? While the past events have been a blast, a part of me still felt like something is missing. I just don't seem to know how to pick myself up where I left off, and start anew. Like my Crossroads OC, Kou, I have a penchant for competitions. Unlike Kou, I don’t always give my best efforts. Unlike Kou, when nothing goes as planned, I break down. Unlike Kou, at the end of the day, I’m still a nobody.

I can never seem to find who I am, what am I doing right now, and, if the latter’s wrong, what should I be doing instead. I:U has filled that gap for me— temporarily, I admit. I’m still a firm believer that nothing will last unless you will it to be, but I’ll savor this until it lasts. But for I:U to fill that gap with sentimentality during the possibly most crucial point of my life, of my journey towards adulthood, I feel really thankful for having you guys around, for all the stories we’ve weaved, interconnected, and established ourselves. I am proud to say that I've never felt more satisfied in my life with anyone else aside from you guys so far. I probably didn't share secrets and stories much with most of you, but I'll still feel that I'll leave behind a big chunk of me once I:U, as the forums, closes.

Thank you for defining a large part of me.

It’s not so bad an experience now. They say this is only the beginning, not the end. I want to believe this much.

For one last time, maybe, I want I:U to give me something to believe in.